Sunday, July 12, 2009

The debutante reflects

*Sigh. This is gonna be another one of those debutante nightmares. I really noticed that for the past few days, my dad is more irritated by little things and my mom is getting more irritated by dad's crankiness. I think I know the reason why.

Me.

Seriously, my dad and my mom arguing about my debut makes me feel sad and responsible for this mess. I feel so unhappy right now that they are arguing more and more. I want to honor my parents but then I wanna be angry with them for arguing at such a time as this. I find it hard to honor my parents because of this. If only they can stop arguing, maybe I can stop crying for the past few days. I find it really hard to cope with such things and I feel more uneasy as each day passes by. I dont want to butt in because I know its adult talk they might put me aside like a little kid or tell me that its none of my business. I feel sad and hurt and I feel like having cold feet and its getting colder by the day. I personally cannot bear this because if paranoia soon settles in, I might force myself to the guidance room every day of the last 2 weeks before my debut!

I need to give this to God. I need to give myself to Him. He knows what I am going through right now.

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