Yes these days, I have to admit that I have been so selfish. Whatever the reason I cannot bring myself to admit. Often, I have always sulked in self pity but in front of others, I show off an image that projects a good image. But deep down, I still have my pains, my hurts, and even my tears.

I find it hard to depend on God these days, but I want to depend. Why am I afraid to fully submit to His will? I want to give my total submission to Him, because I promised that He will be the Lord of my Life. I promised that I will live and give my all for Him and for Him alone. I want to give my all for Him, but why am I still afraid? O Lord, give me strength. I'm lost without You.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Saturday morning 3am, I woke up to a rainy day. Little did i know that Saturday will be one heck of an adventure. Instead of getting up being excited and all with NSTP, my brain still continued producing melatonin which made me doze off more. Once again, I was back in dream land not until an hour later when I was awakened by a text from my classmate asking if we have NSTP or not. I looked outside and saw that the rain was already that bad. I wasn't so sure if we will have NSTP that day or not. Since I didn't receive any announcements, I told him that we are still going to have it rain or shine, and he still made sure twice and I was telling myself: ignore undesired behavior!!!

5am, my mom finally woke me up and asked me if NSTP will still go on as planned. And I realized how stupid it is for me to call NSTP office at 5am knowing that no one will be there. *hits head with the wooden back scratcher)* So without any announcements, I sent a gm to my groupmates saying that everything will go as planned. So I got read for school and before reaching UST, i made a quick stopover at Burger King and bought my food, since I was still in pain from my wisdom tooth, i can't eat anything much but sandwiches/ burgers. Upon arriving at UST, it was raining hard but we can see buses lined up waiting for us. I was with P3 when they decided to start boarding the bus. Much to my dismay *I wanted to go home at this point*, we also had to start boarding the bus- knowing full well that the trip will not continue 100%.

At the bus there is the Prof who couldn't stop talking. Oh well, he provided some cool information but sometimes the info he shares are like okay i can't relate. But anyways, we traveled for around 2 hours going to Bulacan and upon arriving our suspicions are proven true. No Classes for students in Bulacan so technically,we have no choice but to go back to Manila. By then rain was pouring HARD! My dad even told me that I should just wait at UST before going home since FLOOD WATERS HAVE EVEN REACHED OUR GARAGE!!! *which never happened!*

So with that in mind, I braced myself for the worst for that day. Then we had a stopover at one of those gas stations which have restos and crs for the people. Yes there was Starbucks but I didn't decide to buy since I don't wanna scream for a restroom in the middle of a highway. After being dragged around by my classmate, I finally reached the bus and sat down again, the rain was pouring wayyy waaay HARD! And my expression was like

O________________________________________O

yeah go figure...

Then after the stopover, my prof came in and collected our bus fees... *highway robbery!* then it was time for a LONG trip back to Manila.

On NLEX, traffic was way bad. It took us 5 hours just to get out of NLEX. So technically, many girls screamed for a restroom and many suggested various ideas for them to relieve their bladder problems. Some suggested the bottle method, others suggested running a long long way to get to get to a proper restroom while finally the driver gave a brilliant idea. There is a box outline on the floor and he opened that box that led outside the bus! O__O technically the guys have to stay in front while the girls have to stay at the back. Refusing to give up my seat, I stayed put where I am. Finally when we reached the end on NLEX, a surprising sight greeted us. Flood waters were REALLY HIGH UP, no wonder no one dared venture to the waters. It was deep!

Then we got stuck at C-3. Oh daaaamnn!!! Traffic was way worse there. Luckily we were there for only 3 hours. From time to time, we would open the TV and see what is happening with the news. :| Many of us were really really shocked to see the water levels. It was almost like Noah's Ark there! O___O So at C3, the prof decides to tell the story of UST and it's unseen visitors.

UST was actually used as a concentration camp during World War 2. The 2nd and 3rd floor of the building is where the people are imprisoned. The first floor on the other hand is where the torture chambers are. The grandstand was a graveyard then. BUT- seeing ghosts in the Main Building is normal, seeing ghosts OUTSIDE the main building is scary. In your building they say that you can hear footsteps going up the main stairs of the main building, then of course there is the priest walking around without a head

Yeah thanks so much for the story now I cant sleep. Then my dad called me in the middle of the story telling and asked me to let the prof talk to him. HAHA!! my prof was terrified when I gave him the phone. :))

Okay cutting the longer story short, when we made it out of C-3, we ended up in Del Monte. Okayyy so everyone was screaming for food. And some are starting to get UTI in the bus. So the prof had no choice but to tell the driver to stop at a food shop where we can buy food. Luckily the shops has restrooms and everyone was super happy that they can finally go to the restroom.

My parents decided to pick me up at A. Bonifacio. And my classmates are literally begging me to adopt them for the night. There was no way that they want to go back to UST and be stranded and risk the floods, so my parents agreed.

Then the rest is history...

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edit: Wah! finally done, this entry was overdue since yesterday... oh well...

Yeah decided to shift my attention from emo-ish feelings to school. But I guess right now I cant seem to focus on the really important aspects of school, and all I'm doing right now is blog in by the pain i still feel deep down. No matter how many times I tell myself that it's almost over, I can still see myself screaming back: NO! You are still not okay.

They say time heals all wounds, it's almost a month since i found out that painful reality. I thought to myself maybe after a month I can be better, but no I guess I need a lot more time than I expect.

I still miss him...

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School

Damn! Educ psych! I'm having a hard time answering the guide questions. The movie was long long ago already and watching it can add to the sabawness. Yeah hopefully after blogging I can finish what I have to do. Especially since I want to sleep early tonight.

I'll stop, the heaviness is back again...

35 REASONS NOT TO SIN

* Because a little sin leads to more sin.
* Because my sin invites the discipline of God.
* Because the time spent in sin is forever wasted.
* Because my sin never pleases but always grieves God who loves me.
* Because my sin places a greater burden on my spiritual leaders.
* Because in time my sin always brings heaviness to my heart.
* Because I am doing what I do not have to do.
* Because my sin always makes me less than what I could be.
* Because others, including my family, suffer consequences due to my sin.
* Because my sin saddens the godly.
* Because my sin makes the enemies of God rejoice.
* Because sin deceives me into believing I have gained when in reality I have lost.
* Because sin may keep me from qualifying for spiritual leadership.
* Because the supposed benefits of my sin will never outweigh the consequences of disobedience.
* Because repenting of my sin is such a painful process, yet I must repent.
* Because sin is a very brief pleasure for an eternal loss.
* Because my sin may influence others to sin.
* Because my sin may keep others from knowing Christ.
* Because sin makes light of the cross, upon which Christ died for the very purpose of taking away my sin.
* Because it is impossible to sin and follow the Spirit at the same time.
* Because God chooses not to respect the prayers of those who cherish their sin.
* Because sin steals my reputation and robs me of my testimony.
* Because others once more earnest than I have been destroyed by just such sins.
* Because the inhabitants of heaven and hell would all testify to the foolishness of this sin.
* Because sin and guilt may harm both mind and body.
* Because sins mixed with service make the things of God tasteless.
* Because suffering for sin has no joy or reward, though suffering for righteousness has both.
* Because my sin is adultery with the world.
* Because, though forgiven, I will review this very sin at the Judgment Seat where loss and gain of eternal rewards are applied.
* Because I can never really know ahead of time just how severe the discipline for my sin might be.
* Because my sin may be an indication of a lost condition.
* Because to sin is not to love Christ.
* Because my unwillingness to reject this sin now grants it an authority over me greater than I wish to believe.
* Because sin glorifies God only in His judgment of it and His turning of it to good use, never because it is worth anything on it’s own.
* Because I promised God he would be Lord of my life.

http://www.therebelution.com/blog/2009/08/35-reasons-not-to-sin/